


If Only I Could Have You Touch Me

by OffSheGoes



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Brief mentions of the rest of the RFA, F/M, Implied Child Abuse, implied verbal abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 07:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17421221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OffSheGoes/pseuds/OffSheGoes
Summary: An unexpected visit in the dark of night leaves her torn, filled to the brim with questions she would never get answers to.





	If Only I Could Have You Touch Me

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first actual fanfiction that I have decided to upload because inspiration hit right after that one text with Ray -- you know the one, am I right? (It's referenced in the work just in case.) -- so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Oh, and something else I thought I'd mention: I never explicitly state MC's name, even though it is, in fact, the MC you're accustomed to throughout gameplay. I'm not quite comfortable yet using "MC" within my writing, so I decided it best to simply omit her name.

The mere idea of a restful night’s sleep had long evaded her. 

Most nights were spent tossing from one side to another, countless images whirring in her mind, each worse than the next. 

   
_What would these people do to her? Who could she trust? Would she ever walk free from this place,_ _breathe_ _in deep, knowing she was fully in control and not at the mercy of someone who kept her hidden and locked away in a room to do their bidding?_

She was always too naïve. She could hear her mother’s words in her head, reminding her when she was younger, every time she would leave the house, “Be wary of strangers! Don’t stay out too late!”

At the time, she had waved away her concerns with a simple, “Yeah, yeah, okay, Mom,” and now it was veering onto the seventh day since she had been off of these grounds, wherever it is that she was. She knew she was far from anyplace familiar, no sounds of cars on the road, no tall buildings overhead. It was only trees as far as she could see from her spot in the window, where she had grown accustomed to staring out of whenever she was awake. It was the closest semblance of freedom she had, the sun’s warmth on her skin her only comfort. 

Well, that wasn’t  **entirely**  true.  
  


If there was one good thing that had come out of this, it was meeting them – the members of RFA. 

Talking to them was like a moment of sanity, a breath of fresh air, within an otherwise suffocating ordeal. She hadn’t even seen their faces in person, but they already felt as close as friends could be. Whenever it was that she could sleep, and she dared to dream, it would be of them – of playing LOLOL with Yoosung, or eating Honey Buddha Chips with 707, or playing with Elizabeth the 3rd and Jumin, or grabbing a coffee with Jaehee, or simply cheering Zen on during his opening night. They were simple dreams that seemed so close, yet so out of reach. 

It could never be realized so long as she stayed here, where every move she made was overseen by a guard, where she was not allowed to step out of the room, unless it was by the side of Ray or this so-called Savior. 

It was this that clouded her thoughts, deciding it was in vain to try and sleep. Instead, she would check to see if anyone was online. She reached for her phone that rested on the bedside table, sighing ever so softly when she saw no one was currently in the chatroom, not even Zen, who tended to stay awake past everyone else. 

Pursing her lips, a small crease formed in between her brows, but before she could gather her thoughts, she heard the sound of footsteps growing louder as they walked down the quiet hallway, and next thing she knew, the door was opening slowly, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to feign sleep as best she could, hoping whoever it was would leave her be if they thought she was deep into sleep. 

It didn’t work. 

Footsteps grew closer and then, there was a dip of someone’s weight at the foot of the bed. She could hear them saying her name softly under their breath – it was him. 

 ** _Ray._**  

Ray had kept his distance once he realized he could no longer extend his hand and expect her to take it, trusting him wholeheartedly the way she did when she had initially arrived. 

Once more he uttered her name, and then a sigh fell through his parted lips as he kept his voice at a quiet hum, so as to seemingly not wake her, “I wanted so badly for you to want to stay here... to stay with me.”

“When you had come, you came because you wanted to. What changed? Why did it have to change?” His voice rose slightly at the end, the telltale mark that he was holding back, pushing down the ball forming in his throat. 

“I wanted so badly to blame the RFA. I wanted to say that they had brainwashed you, that they were no-good, manipulative pieces of --” He cut himself off, taking a deep breath as he looked down at his hands, fingertips bleeding from where he had bitten to the nub of his fingernails while trying so desperately to keep Seven from infiltrating Mint Eye’s server, his driving thought being that he would be willing to do  ** _anything_** if it meant he could keep her at his side. 

“But I realized something today.” She could tell, without even looking at him, that he was trying to summon everything in him to continue. “I realized, that perhaps it’s not the RFA who is to blame, perhaps... it’s me. I was never good enough. Mother had told me so since as far as I could remember. I have never been good enough. And that is why you want to leave me. But – I want to be. I want to be good enough for you. I want to see you smile and know it was because of me. I want to walk with you in the garden and plant flowers we will see bloom together. I want... I want you. And I wish so badly you would want me, too.” 

The desperation pooled in his words, making it difficult for her to keep pretending to be asleep, but she knew if she opened her eyes now, she would face a conversation she wasn’t too sure she was ready for. Underneath the pillow, she gripped the sheet tightly in her first, trying to maintain a steady breath. 

“Even now, as I bleed, I want to put my head on your lap and ask you to take a look at me. I wish for you to caress my wounds. I would make myself bleed much more, if only I could have you touch me.” 

The way he spoke, the words he uttered, it sent a shiver down her spine. She didn’t know what it was that she felt, nor why her heart seemed to beat quicker, but what she did know was that part of her wanted to reach out to... to touch him, and that part absolutely **terrified**  her. 

“Come the light of day, you will want nothing to do with me again. But I cherish this. Seeing you breathe peacefully around me, it is something I will not take for granted.” He rose from the bed and freed the blue flower he wore on the lapel of his maroon coat, setting it softly on the bedside table. “I wish for you to find happiness, my princess. And even though I know it will never be, I wish more than anything for it to be with me.” He extended his hand, as if to reach out to push back the strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face, but he restrained himself, knowing if he dared touch her, he would only want so much more and that could not be unless she herself wanted it. He had known all too well of a bad touch, and his heart clenched in his chest at even imagining he could make her feel such a way. 

Without another word, he turned on his heel and left her on her own once more in the dark room, illuminated solely by the moonlight that streamed in through the thin curtains. Once she was sure Ray, or anyone else, would not pay her another unexpected visit, she sat up and brought the covers closer to her, her usually pale cheeks aflame as she thought back to his words, so sincere and so devastatingly heartbreaking, she could already feel tears welling in her eyes as her bottom lip quivered ever so slightly, trying to keep them at bay, but it was to no avail. Sobs wracked her small frame as everything all at once came crashing onto her – stuck in this unknown place, manipulated, unsure of who to trust, and worst of all, Ray only wanting a part of her she didn't want to give to him. A part of her that she  **couldn’t** give to him, if only because none of this made any sense, and if she allowed her heart to lead, she would surely never walk outside of this place. 

She had to keep her resolve, but the question was: did she truly  _want_  to?

 


End file.
